During a month when gratitude is the theme, family caregivers deserve extra consideration. If you know a caregiver, resolve to do a bit extra for them this month – and if you are the caregiver, resolve to be extra kind to yourself.

Caregiver Gratitude

Yes, Thanksgiving is typically the star of the month, but the year-round stars are the family caregivers who quietly and selflessly help parents, spouses, children, and relatives navigate illnesses, disabilities, aging, or other challenges. That’s why November is also National Family Caregivers Month, reminding us to extend that gratitude – and support – to the caregivers in our lives.

Here are a few ways you can help:

• Make “How can I help?” easier to answer. Instead of offering a broad “Let me know if you need anything,” be more specific and practical. Try:
  • “I’m going to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?”
  • “Can I bring dinner Tuesday night?”
  • “I have a couple of hours Saturday. Could I run errands or stay with your loved one while you get out?”
  • “May I help you decorate your home for the holidays?”
• Check in with small gestures. Send a text to let them know you’re thinking about them. Pick up an extra coffee at the coffee shop and deliver it, without expecting to stay or be invited in. Mail a gift card. Deliver some bath salts with an offer to relieve them so they can enjoy a long soak.
• Reduce their usual chores. Mow the lawn (or shovel the sidewalk), do the dishes, help with house cleaning, get their car detailed.
• Help them locate resources. Caregivers may have resources available through their community, church groups, and employee benefits – but navigating it all may seem overwhelming. Do some of the heavy lifting for them and present them with options, or help them make phone calls to get more information.

Caregiver, Give to Thyself

If you’re the caregiver, you need to put yourself on the “care list.” When someone is so dependent on you, you may fall into the trap of feeling like paying attention to you and your needs is selfish, or even a luxury. It isn’t. Protecting your own physical and emotional health helps make caregiving sustainable.

You may believe you don’t have the time, but you can win that internal battle by starting small. Begin with eating regular meals and drinking plenty of fluids. Catch sleep whenever possible; if you have 15 minutes, lay down for 15 minutes. Even if you don’t sleep, just resting your body and mind is productive.

Take your morning coffee outside when possible, take a 10-minute walk, listen to music (invest in some good earbuds if music will be disruptive), and call someone who makes you laugh. Make as many moments about you as possible, because they still won’t add up to what you’re investing in someone else.

The most important thing you can do for yourself? Accept help. If someone offers to bring a meal or handle an errand, let them! If your friends or support system don’t know how to help, help them help you: Keep a short list of tasks that could be delegated so you have an answer when someone asks what they can do.

Give yourself permission to have complicated feelings, too. Caregiving is an act of love and can bring you closer to your loved ones, but it can also be exhausting and frustrating. In many cases, family caregivers also experience grief and even resentment. All of these feelings can coexist – without guilt.

Finally, explore the resources available through your employee benefits and your community. Transocean’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), available through Live and Work Well (Access Code: RIG), is a place to start for confidential support. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own—reaching out for support is another way to care for yourself.

Thankful For Caregivers

This November, gratitude for caregivers can become something more useful: action. Check on the person who is immersed in caring for someone else. Offer help that lightens their load. And if you are the caregiver, remember that your needs count, too.